I would like to live what I consider to be a normal life, to have a feeling that I belong. I want to go out and be sociable with people without feeling afraid. I would like to be how I was in the past, I enjoyed the company of others and feeling like I fitted in. I would like to be able to sleep without having to take a sleeping tablet and to be able to go to bed at a normal hour, instead of staying up until 5 or 6am.
I want to be able to go to the shops or into town without feeling anxious or nervous. I would like to know why I feel like I do, so that I can fight back and get better. I would like to be able to read a newspaper or watch the news without felling angry or upset about things. I would like to be able to talk with my remaining friends without saying things that would upset them. I would like to be more motivated to do things instead of living my life from day to day, with the same old routine day after day.
I would very much like to gain respect from people. I want people who knew me before to look at me and to stop judging and stop talking to me as if I were mad or retard in some way. I want to understand why I start crying for no reason and why I always want to be on my own. Why have I turned my back on all my old friends?
I keep feeling my phone is tapped and I am being followed. I have to use different routes to go to and from shops because I feel someone is watching me and following me. I just cannot figure it all out, Why Me.
Help for Veterans has given me hope. I get the chance to meet others who are in a similar situations. We are all lost souls. HFV has given me stability and encouraged me to be more socially interactive.